Challenge: Ordering Pizza in BKK

When I was a little girl, lo these many years, my cousins and I were sitting around one day talking about the food our moms made best.

“My mom makes the best bread,” said one cousin.

“My mom makes the best soup,” said another.

“My mom makes the best fried chicken,” said a third.

I piped up, “My mom’s the best pizza getter!”

And so it goes.

My extremely lovely and very intelligent mother, who unfortunately cannot cook for shit, has a penchant for throwing firecrackers at *people* on the 4th of July, and who asked me yesterday, "So, if I save that email you sent me and click on that thing, I can see your blog ANY TIME I want?!". Still, nobody has a better mom. Except my sister. Hmm...but she has the same mom, so I'm still right. Nobody has a better mom!

Turns out I’ve inherited the pizza-getting gene from my mother.

Pizza is one of my desert-island foods. Yes, I realize this makes me unbearably American, but in my defense, I grew up in the middle of the United States, in one of the flat states, so I’m lucky that my favorite food isn’t Jello with canned fruit cocktail and shredded carrot in it. It’s bad enough that one of my favorite comfort foods, made by my Grandma Shirley, involves Cheez Whiz, a substance made entirely of petroleum by-products and yellow food coloring #149. But it’s so good!

In the States, pizza can be pretty cheap. There was a pretty good place near my apartment in Takoma Park where you could get a large–that’s American large, people, so I mean LARGE–for about $8 if you picked it up instead of having them deliver it. That’s like giving it away.

This is an older picture of me in NYC, so my glasses have changed, but the sentiment is the same: EAT MORE PIZZA!

In Washington, D.C., you also have the infamous Big Floppy, which sounds dirty (WHAT? Doesn’t it? Doesn’t it?!), but is actually just a super ginormous piece of extra greasy delicious pizza goodness that you get at 2 in the morning after you’ve been drinking. It used to cost around $4; you’d have to ask the cool kids back home how much it costs now.

I’ve expatted to BKK, so I don’t feel guilty when I want food that reminds me of home. It’s not like I’m going back in a week (unless other body parts decide to fail and/or explode), so if I don’t eat Thai food for one meal for one day, it’s fine. I’ll eat it the next day. And the next. And the next.

So, one night the thought of putting on pants (I LIVE ALONE, PEOPLE), taking the elevator down 26 floors and scavenging for food from the stalls down the block seemed like way too much effort. Like, the kind of effort that could only be achieved through major amounts of stimulants (For the humor-impaired: THAT IS A JOKE–I DO NOT DO STIMULANTS EXCEPT FOR COFFEE AND EVEN THAT IS ONLY ONE CUP IN THE MORNINGS).

Then this little voice inside my head–Party Megan–said, Order pizza, Megan.

An increasingly more common sight: Party Megan! (Photo by Brock)

The cheap, responsible, stubborn expat inside my head responded, NO! I will put on pants! I will eat Thai food! I will spend a single dollar for my meal!

This is Responsible Megan, AKA Ms. K-. She'll let you have fun, but only if you've done your homework and don't talk back.

Please remember I live alone; internal dialogue is not an uncommon occurrence. External dialogue is not unheard of, either, as a matter of fact.

Party Megan won out because Responsible Megan quit her job back in June and can’t really be bothered to put up much of a fight anymore.

So I ordered pizza online from The Pizza Company. Or I tried to order it online, but of course I ended up having to call them 12 times to get the order to actually go through.

Now, in Japan, pizza was routinely covered in corn. Sometimes there was mayo and tuna on there, too. I know, I know. Just chalk it up to the insanity that spawned crazy Japanese game shows. The Pizza Company in BKK, however, has a million varieties of pizza covered in pineapple. Hawaiian pizza! Tropical pizza! Tropical Hawaiian pizza!

Those of you who know me will know that pineapple with savory food makes me literally want to vomit. NO. Just…no, okay? I’m exhausted just thinking about it. Why would you do that to delicious, defenseless pizza? Or pineapple? What did the pizza or pineapple ever do to you? They just want to make your belly happy. Don’t disrespect them like that!

The teensiest pizza ever.

In the end, I decided to get a medium half cheese and half tom yum, as a nod to my host country, and it cost me about 350 baht, I think, with the delivery fee. That’s more than $10 for that little pizza, and a medium here is like a small–a small small–back home.

The pizza also came with some “sauce”, which I eagerly opened and which turned out to be…kethcup. So disappointing.

I mean, it's Thailand! Give me some spice!

The pizza was okay, kind of like a pan pizza from Pizza Hut, which you can also get here. I’d give it a 3/5, and maybe bump it up to 3.5/5 if I was really jonesing for some pizza–which I do often, actually. Luckily Party Megan has not yet completely wrested control, so my bank account is safe for now.

Look, Rest of the World, I know Americans are fat and all, but we really do know how to make amazingly large, delicious, cheap pizzas. I’m proud to be an American for that reason alone.

Sing it with me: And I'm *proud* to be an American, where at least I know I can have Jello cake that looks like the American flag...

Final Score:

Ordering Pizza in BKK: 0   Megan: 1

Please, like I couldn’t win this smackdown with both eyes closed. I’m almost embarrassed to call it a challenge.

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14 Comments

Filed under Food, Special Challenge, Thailand

14 responses to “Challenge: Ordering Pizza in BKK

  1. Joe

    Glad you can get your pizza treats in LOS. ;-)

  2. Megan, You fared much better than me on winning the pizza smackdown.

    I normally only eat Thai food because it’s so good but last week I had an insatiable hunger for a good pizza. I should have just called Pizza Hut but I tried one of the local places that claimed famed New York Style pizza. I got some thin flat bread with ketchup sauce on it and some stringy cheese…

    • Oh dear, that sounds awful, but I feel your pain, having experienced Japanese pizza from 2003-2005. My friends report that it’s worth paying the little bit extra for Pizza Hut here…The other thing I’m going to start craving soon is Mexican food. Sometimes you just need some refried beans and cheese, you know?

  3. Thanks for your comment over at mine Megan. It’s brilliant to read a blog from a fresh perspective. We’ve been here five years and I’d forgotten how it made me feel.

    We order pizza from Pizza Mania which is yummy but I don’t know how it’d compare to American pizza.

    • Thanks, Jenny! It’s good to read an expert’s experience, as well. :)

      I just checked out Pizza Mania’s website and it looks pretty good. I’ll have to try it–thanks for the tip!

  4. every time i read your blog i end up laughing out loud! and now i’ll have to go satisfy my pizza craving… ;)

  5. Heather

    Hey Megan- Amy Everett Huque just sent me the info about your blog. I didn’t know you went to Thailand. Wow- so awesome! Are you teaching? How long are you there? It sounds like you are having an amazing time. Enjoy!

    • Heather! I’m not doing anything yet–thinking about teaching, but I’m not sure. And how long I’ll be here depends on what I find to do, really! I hope you guys are all still doing well…

  6. Marjorie Williams

    Hi Megan.

    I think that there are many hidden gems here in Bangkok! My husband and I have been using Big Pizza
    ( http://www.pizzadeliverybangkok.com )
    02 663 1330 for about two years now. They do delicious thin crust pizzas and lots of delicious pastas and salads. Our kids and us have always got pizza once a week or so and when we were first posted here to BKK we felt just like you did! Will keep up with your blog as enjoyed finding it very much, good luck!

  7. Oliver

    I am always wondering, when i see Thais or Americans eating “Pizza”. Pizza should be thin and not fat like Americans and their Pizzas.
    This is disgusting, what Americans call Pizza, in Italy you would probably go to jail calling this thick shit pizza.

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