This past couple of weeks has been just a little too full of nature for my liking.
I appreciate nature, I really do, as long as it doesn’t try to invade my personal space.
But over the weekend, nature–in the form of a monkey–got way, way too close.
Brock, my good buddy who makes delicious food and writes about it on BrockEats, and I decided because we had a three-day weekend we should get the heck out of Dodge and go somewhere you can actually see more than a star (or is that a satellite up there in the BKK sky?).
We settled on Phetchaburi, which is a town a few hours south of Bangkok. We showed up at the train station and bought 3rd class tickets for about $1, and then we sat ourselves down for three hours of no air conditioning.
Phetchaburi is a pretty, quiet town full of wats. And monkeys.
As Brock and I were walking to our hotel with our backpacks, we passed a hill called Khao Wang (heh), which has King Rama IV’s summerhouse and some cool wats on top. We started seeing monkeys and we were kind of enchanted. Monkeys! Running around in the wild! Brock and I both come from middle America, where the most exotic thing you might see is a dog with three legs, so we thought the monkeys were really cool.
I saw a monkey get up and look at me, only I was like, There is no way that monkey is looking at me.
But it was.
And then it started to run after me and I was like, There is no way that monkey is running after–AHMIGOD THAT MONKEY IS RUNNING AFTER ME AND IT HAS SHARP TEETH AND CRAZY EYES.
I yelped, as if he was going to be able to fend off the monkey, “Brock! BROCK!”
Here’s a tip: Don’t yell for Brock if there’s a monkey running after you.
I started running away because that was the only thing I could think to do, and I felt the monkey grab something from my backpack and then go away.
Here’s another tip: Don’t leave crackers in a plastic bag tied onto your backpack, because that’s what the monkey was after. The crackers weren’t even open!
In the end, I wasn’t hurt and the monkey didn’t bite me or even touch me at all. It was just a greedy little bastard and wanted my crackers (NOT a euphemism), but it has left me permanently scarred, psychologically (NO, I AM NOT BEING MELODRAMATIC), and more than a little wary of wild monkeys. Those things are freaky-looking, people!
Also, all the Thai people standing around were laughing their asses off at me, which I can’t blame them for. I’m pretty sure that there are going to be lots of videos and pictures entitled, “Stupid Farang Being Chased By a Monkey.” Please let me know if you see them.
Also again, Phetchaburi is nice. I would go back, but next time I’m buying a slingshot to keep away the critters, like the food vendors around town do. They know what’s what, those food vendors.
Some terrible pictures from Phetchaburi, because I need a new camera…
Monkeys: 1 Megan and Brock: 0
Give me a dog with three legs any day. Those monkeys are just…ugh…