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WTF? (What THE?! Fridays): American Tuesday Edition

Oh…erm…hi…

You know how you have that one friend who you haven’t talked to in forever and then the longer it goes, the more awkward it gets, and the more you avoid them because you feel bad about ignoring them, and then eventually you forget, and then you have moments of major guilt that you manage to just push down deep inside you? And then you’re like, ‘Well, I can’t write that friend now because there’s too much to catch up on and where do I start?’

Well, I guess this blog is kind of like that friend.

Whatever. Hi!

I’ve been back in the United States for two weeks now, and I’m loving it. I can wear jeans! I can see stars! I don’t have to plan out in my head how I’m going to ask for something in the store!

I’m so enamored with being back here that I’m not even annoyed or horrified at all the utterly ridiculous crap that is on American TV. Well, I’m only kind of annoyed and mildly horrified. Fine, sometimes I’m really horrified, but still.

Like, for example, there is a reality show for virtually everything. There is a reality show about a truck stop in Missouri. There is a reality show called “Basketball Wives: L.A.”! My mother personally likes the reality show about Ice-T and his wife Coco because “she is so off-the-wall”. Pretty soon they’re going to have a reality show that’s just me, watching television. People will love it and I will be rich and famous.

I also heard this line on E! (that’s an entertainment channel): “Laughter is wonderful; laugh lines, not so much.” RIGHT?!  WATCH OUT FOR THE LAUGH LINES, LADIES! LAUGH WITH YOUR MOUTH CLOSED!

Anyway, I’m in Missouri now, and I had forgotten a lot of the stuff that’s normal here. So, a mini WTF? photo essay, from a huge hunting store, even though it’s not Friday.

"Dear Hunters, We are dying out. Please kill many of us and put us in a museum in a hunting store and then ask other hunters to help us survive."

BABY CROSSBOWS. COLOR-CODED. FOR BABIES.

It's your basic over/under shotgun and bolt action rifle. FOR BABIES.

Speechless.

It's a camouflage tankini, modeled by my beautiful cousin. With polar bears in the background.

Here's a one-piece camo swimsuit. In case you need to disappear into the river? Or something?

Okay, people, I’ve got to get back to watching Ice-T and Coco. Coco’s sister is having a baby and all hell is about to break loose!

 

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Challenge: Being a Lady of Leisure Who Lunches

Haha! Like this is a challenge.

I have to be honest: I love being unemployed (unemployed by choice). When I have the right job, I also love being employed, but right now I am relishing in my laze-about status. When I do work, I put a lot into it. If I’m going to do something, I’m going to do it well. So when I work, I work hard and I do good stuff; when I don’t work, I’m extra super lazy to make up for it.

Frankly, Bangkok is a good place to be unemployed because it’s so cheap and there are so many things to do in the city. I also loved not working during the summers in Maryland/Washington, DC because there’s so much to do around there. If I were unemployed in my hometown, I might be singing a different tune (it would be a country tune).

What I love about being a Lady of Leisure:

  • No alarm clock. I don’t usually sleep in too late. I consider 8 a.m. to be a reasonable wake-up time, but that’s a fair bit better than 6 a.m., which is what time I was waking up for my previous two jobs. The world just barely exists at 6 a.m., you know what I mean? The edges haven’t quite defined themselves and everything looks a little fuzzy and shiny. Plus, I really despise waking up to an alarm clock. There’s something jarring about it that sets my day off grumpily. (8 a.m., though—my inner teenager weeps at my inability to sleep in until noon.)
  • Walks. The weather in Bangkok has been beautiful for the past week or two, and it’s been cool enough to go for long walks in the afternoon. I’ve seen things I haven’t seen before in my own neighborhood, which is what makes living in such a big city so interesting. When I was working, I was too tired to explore. Not anymore!
  • Watching every single TV show ever in the history of the world. Not really, but let me just say—I have access to Hulu now, so I caught up on a bunch of shows and learned about a bunch of other ones that I now like. Then I moved on to Sons of Anarchy seasons 2 and 3, which I finished in 4 days. They’re 45 minutes each. That’s a lot of TV (which I watch on my computer), but you know what? I don’t care. I haven’t had cable in years and I still do a lot of stuff, so do not give me a lecture on television rotting your brain. I haz teh smartz; I can afford for my brain to rot a little.
  • Reading. Well, I would do a lot more reading if I weren’t catching up on every single TV show ever in the history of the world. But, again, don’t give me a lecture—I’ve already read over 30 books this year, so it’s not like I’m slacking off.
  • Ladies Who Lunch Time. I am going to start a group called Ladies Who Lunch. Men will be welcome, too. It will be very exclusive, in that the only criteria is that you have time to have lunch with me and sit around and talk about things like Kate Gosselin and Reese Witherspoon. I could also have a Ladies Who Drink Coffee Club, and the criteria for that would be you have time to have coffee with me. Seriously, I love meeting my friends for lunch and coffee during the day. It’s the best. Want me to come have lunch or coffee with you? Email me! I’m almost guaranteed to be free!
  • Staying up as late as I want. Yeah, I sound like I’m 5. When you have a job, you have to go sleep even when you’re not tired or you want to finish watching Sons of Anarchy to see what happens to Jax and also admire how pretty he is (really really really pretty). Now I can stay up as late as I want! Take THAT, grown-up-hood!  
  • Cooking. I don’t do a lot of cooking here in Bangkok because I’m more of a baker and I don’t have an oven, but I’ve been doing a lot more cooking since I have nothing better to do. Good times.  
  • Nap time. Hands down, this is the best part of not working. Every day between about 2 and 3, my eyelids start to get droopy and heavy and I fall onto the couch or bed in a dead sleep for about 30 minutes. I’m helpless. Sometimes I put the nap off until 4 or 5, but that’s a little late for me. Sometimes I take two naps, because why not? Sometimes I don’t take a nap at all, but that’s rare.

Now, as with everything, there are bad things about unemployment and they are:

  • Lack of money. I don’t really have a lack of money yet, since I’m a pretty good saver, but I’m obviously not bringing in a whole lot of cash while sitting on my couch and debating whether or not I should eat popcorn that I have in my apartment or go out to get some mangos (I’ll let you figure out which one usually wins). So I have to have a budget, which I sometimes stick to and sometimes don’t. Whatever.
  • Um…there must be something else bad…um…I haven’t reached bored or panicked state, which I expect to come soon and at the same time (“Oh my god, I’ve watched every TV show ever made and I’m SO bored…WAIT. I’M ALSO TOTALLY BROKE! What have I done?!”).  

In conclusion: Hooray for not working! For now.

Final Score

Being a Lady of Leisure: 0   Megan: INFINITY

Actually, I have to be honest here…I have some freelance editing stuff that is technically work, but as I’m doing it from home in my pajamas (seriously, I took a shower and got dressed at 5 p.m. yesterday just so I could say I did, in fact, get out of my pj’s) I feel like it still counts as Lady of Leisure activity instead of real-life activity. 

 

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WTF? (What THE? Fridays)

Hopefully continuing series of pictures of things that make me go–WHAT? REALLY?

Because everybody has a Wordless Friday or TMI Tuesday or whatever, and I want one, too.

That is actually an ice cream SANDWICH. People roam around with little carts and you pay them actual money to give you ice cream on bread. It was not disgusting.

Seriously, I have no clue what this means.

You cannot have weapons, sex, or dogs in this taxi. Or maybe you can't choke people. Maybe I have a dirty mind...hmm...

And no alcohol or durians.

And definitely no...cute water buffalo? Huh?

p.s. I got my stitches out today! My belly now looks like I’m a recovering Frankenstein.

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