Oh…erm…hi…
You know how you have that one friend who you haven’t talked to in forever and then the longer it goes, the more awkward it gets, and the more you avoid them because you feel bad about ignoring them, and then eventually you forget, and then you have moments of major guilt that you manage to just push down deep inside you? And then you’re like, ‘Well, I can’t write that friend now because there’s too much to catch up on and where do I start?’
Well, I guess this blog is kind of like that friend.
Whatever. Hi!
I’ve been back in the United States for two weeks now, and I’m loving it. I can wear jeans! I can see stars! I don’t have to plan out in my head how I’m going to ask for something in the store!
I’m so enamored with being back here that I’m not even annoyed or horrified at all the utterly ridiculous crap that is on American TV. Well, I’m only kind of annoyed and mildly horrified. Fine, sometimes I’m really horrified, but still.
Like, for example, there is a reality show for virtually everything. There is a reality show about a truck stop in Missouri. There is a reality show called “Basketball Wives: L.A.”! My mother personally likes the reality show about Ice-T and his wife Coco because “she is so off-the-wall”. Pretty soon they’re going to have a reality show that’s just me, watching television. People will love it and I will be rich and famous.
I also heard this line on E! (that’s an entertainment channel): “Laughter is wonderful; laugh lines, not so much.” RIGHT?! WATCH OUT FOR THE LAUGH LINES, LADIES! LAUGH WITH YOUR MOUTH CLOSED!
Anyway, I’m in Missouri now, and I had forgotten a lot of the stuff that’s normal here. So, a mini WTF? photo essay, from a huge hunting store, even though it’s not Friday.
"Dear Hunters, We are dying out. Please kill many of us and put us in a museum in a hunting store and then ask other hunters to help us survive."
BABY CROSSBOWS. COLOR-CODED. FOR BABIES.
It's your basic over/under shotgun and bolt action rifle. FOR BABIES.
Speechless.
It's a camouflage tankini, modeled by my beautiful cousin. With polar bears in the background.
Here's a one-piece camo swimsuit. In case you need to disappear into the river? Or something?
Okay, people, I’ve got to get back to watching Ice-T and Coco. Coco’s sister is having a baby and all hell is about to break loose!
Bangkok Reality Smackdown 
Are you at Bass Pro? Dude, that store is amazing and awful at the same time. Their selection of clothes sucks for girls, but if you are a very tall man with rather tree trunk-y legs, such as my husband? There are many shorts and jeans for CHEAP.
And yaaaaaaaaaay! Welcome back!
It’s a store called Cabela’s. Same idea as Bass Pro.
You said “husband”! Awesome!!!!
Thanks! Good to be back!
Haha! Nuts! If I didn’t live in Texas, I’d be surprised by the kiddo guns and arms :) I’ve been to Outdoors Stores here and saw that same stuff though. Who buys that stuff??
Ahahaha! Yeah, I’m sure this isn’t a shock to you at all. I figure people must actually buy it, right? Because they stock it all, and everything.
Pauses momentarily in stunned WTF amazement…
Utterly NUTS.
Scarey. Really.
I KNOW. I was pretty stunned, myself. Because was this normal before and I didn’t know? Or what?
Obviously, that hunting store needs its own reality TV show. I’m not going to even ask why you were in a hunting store. I suspect you were doing some research for your reality TV show, am I right or am I right? And I better get to have a guest star appearance… you know before I get MY own reality TV show.
I will volunteer the reason: My dad was looking for a tow rope for the boat. It’s more of an outdoorsy store.
I mean, YES, doing research for my reality show! You’re going to be my co-host, though!
Your previous WTF? posts have always amused me and I’m pleased that the American one rivals the Thai ones. I don’t see this stuff in Cville, though I’m probably not looking hard enough O:-)
Looking forward to finding a way to connect our paths somehow!
This whole photo set disturbed me on so many levels. I’m glad to hear you’re back with blogging. :) I’d hate to think that just because you left Bangkok, you’d leave the cyber world.
Thanks, Ceri. I’m not really doing much with it these days. Unfortunately, I kind of have left the cyber world!
I like the one where your cousin in holding up the tankini, and there are bears in the background. Excellence. All over. Have you caught the Chloe and Lamar show? It’s quite good too LOL.
Oh dear, Chloe and Lamar show? No. Thank. You. :(
Reality! What a concept. Here is some “real” reality that scares the h*ll out of me. In Arkansas, where I am at the moment, it is legal to use an AK47 semi-automatic as a hunting rifle! If that doesn’t keep you out of the woods, get this – the legal age for getting a hunting license here is FOUR YEARS OLD! Can you imagine a forest full of four year olds with AK47s?
I just read several of your blogs, funny read :) The reason I found your blog is that I’m jetlagged, and itching like crazy. When you google mosqitues and Bangkok, your blog is one of the first hits!
I enjoyed your posts on Thailand (fascinating country!) and the last one about United States (crazy americans ;).
Regards from the land of the midnight sun and polar bears, Maret